“You have enemies? Good, that means you’ve stood up for something in your life.”

buy Lyrica canada pharmacy Posted by on Sep 5, 2013 in Personal Growth | 1 comment

“You have enemies? Good, that means you’ve stood up for something in your life.”

robaxin online Winston Churchill said that. My guess is that he had a few.

these details Over the past few weeks, a couple of friends have asked me, “Don’t you care?” after somebody I never met before was rude to me, treated me as though I was an idiot, or gave me a condescending look for just enjoying myself. Most often my reply is no, but that’s not the whole truth. I do care, it’s just that I’m not willing to devote any more energy to them. I’d rather move on to a more interesting or important topic.

site web The truth be told, how we react to rude behavior is important, and the subject is pretty interesting. There’s actually a fair amount written about it.

Several years ago I heard Wayne Dyer say, “What you think of me is none of my business.” But the fact remains that what others think of us does affect us. It all begins with the fact that we’re social animals and being excluded from a tribe – even one that’s not our own – triggers an instinctual survival response. At some ancient level, a part of us knows that survival depends on our ability to work together. So when we’re ostracized in some way, shape, or form, we are going to have that reaction – even those of us who are introverts. There’s nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can do is condition ourselves to respond in a way that serves us.

That’s where all the platitudes come in handy. About once a fortnight, I see the old saying that when you are genuine and authentic, those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Another one that works well is to remind yourself that how others treat you says more about them than it does about you. We can understand and believe those sayings, and that knowledge can ease the pain of rejection a lot. But the real key lies in a different kind knowledge.

For me, this other knowledge begins with the realization that I really piss off about ten percent of the population just by being me. I think I have enough accumulaed evidence to support this fact, so I might as well accept it. I really don’t enjoy it, but that’s life. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens in the workplace, and that can get expensive.

However, knowing that being who I am just annoys the hell out of some people actually makes it easier for me to let rude behavior pass over me like water off a duck’s back. For some reason I seem to threaten this group, which makes their response almost reasonable. Knowing that I threaten them (even without knowing why) makes it a lot easier for me to let go of their rejection fast.

It also helps that I have invested a lot of time (like 16 years of serious study) in getting to know myself. I know that I’m pretty much an easy going, loving, smart, rational and emotional, mildly humorous, open, and intuitive guy who does my best not to judge or hurt others. I figure there’s a reason everybody is wired the way they are and I am far from perfect, so who am I to judge? I do know that I have been blessed with some incredible teachers, and I had the good fortune to pay attention when they were teaching. So I have come to the awareness that the way I embody my beliefs (while continuing to get better at this stuff)  is how I want to live. And I’ll continue to be me regardless of what the world around me thinks since I seem to have picked a path that doesn’t offend too many people.

In that knowledge of one’s self lies the key to not worrying about rejection. I know that I’m not going to change to please anybody, even though it still stings to be rejected. I’m happy with the path I’ve chosen and the way I am now. I have friends (I hope even after reading this) whom I love and admire, and I simply can’t afford to devote energy to those who don’t care for me. Sure I’d like to go back and do a few things over better, but I believe that even those experiences and regrets are part of what makes me happy with me.

I have forgotten who told me that having a good life isn’t about never getting knocked down, it’s about bouncing back to where you want to be quickly that is a sign of your maturity. Knowing what I wouldn’t change about me regardless of how much it costs me in the short term makes it much easier to bounce back quickly.

And it lets me move on from those who don’t like me without a lot of effort.

1 Comment

  1. Hi Mark,

    I really enjoyed this and can definitely relate! Thanks for writing about this with such honesty!

    Nada

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