visit site Have you ever noticed that sometimes you need to have a pity party in order to move through whatever it is that is bothering you? Hell, Batman did it. So did Peter Parker and the Hulk. Even Captain America wanted to give up when he woke up 50 years later. The thing is that sometimes you do have to wallow in it a bit (the key here is to keep it to just a bit). Because if you don’t embrace the pain, it will come back to haunt you over and over again.
The problem today is that most teachers and helpful friends advice you to push through or suck it up. Nick Fury love to tell people this. It’s what everybody thinks a hero is supposed to do. They don’t allow you (or don’t want to allow you) to fully process whatever you’re going through. Usually this is because it’s uncomfortable for them or the timing is bad. Granted some people continue to milk their pity party long after it should’ve wrapped up. However when you go through the end of our relationship through a breakup or death, you need time. You need time to come to grips with the loss of projected future (your dreams) and your shared history. You need to be able to grieve. Without that time and space, you will simply carry all that emotional baggage into your next relationship.
And nobody wants that.
The thing that most people don’t understand about relationships is that relationships are both teachers and mirrors. Each relationship mirrors back to you the best of you, the most loving of you, and the worst of you. Relationships teach you where you need to grow. And just like in school we really need a graduation party and then a break before we start our next classes. Basically we need time to process what we have learned and integrate it before we begin learning again.
Pushing through loss or throwing yourself into something new won’t let you heal or grow through the process. It will just delay both. And that’s not what you really need. Whether you know it or not, you got into the relationship to learn something and that’s also probably also why you got out.
So don’t rush anything, instead take some time, throw a small pity party (make it all night if you want) and roll around in the pain for a while. Then, before the party becomes too comfortable, begin to choose to feel differently. Move from being a victim to being angry. Move from angry to not giving a damn. Once you don’t give a damn, the victim, the attacker, and the host of the pity party have all played their role. You’ve gotten more out of that relationship than most people ever will.
So tell your friends who want you to push through it that you want to learn the lesson from it instead. That way you don’t have to do it all over again the next time.
They may not understand, but they don’t have to.